Once in a lifetime everyone has to suffer refusal in matters of love. EVERYONE. Anyone who tells me otherwise, is either not telling the truth or is lying. That’s it. We get rejected. We search for suitable loves, affairs, sex. We hope to find the real thing, the everlasting kind of love.
NOT HAPPENING. It is rarely the case that we get through the journey unscathed and reach the final destination on the first go. (Thank God).
So there’s the thing of rejection. As we’ve hopefully all learned at an early age, honesty is the best policy therefore it makes sense in matters of tête-a-têtes.
The feeling of being loved is great – even if you can’t respond to it. You tend to get comfortable with it, knowing there’s someone who will gladly share your bed at night. We wonder if maybe the feelings will come eventually later. Did we expect too much? Did we not try hard enough? The answer is always the same: No spark at the beginning means no spark ever. It is hard indeed to be honest then.
As we’ve all experienced unrequited love at least once (!) we’ve come to find that its always better to know than not to know. Leave the comfort zone, tell them the hard facts, feel like shit, feel relieved, wait, awkward silence, questions, wait, comprehension, wait, yes, it was nice, maybe some other time, you’ll find someone, ok, bye.
This seems to be the normal course of events. That is of course, if we’re strong enough to have the talk and not opt for ghosting.
But what do you do if the other person is not being honest with themselves? You fall back into ease. You believe them as they tell you keeping it casual is fine. That there’s no expectation of more than sex, not taking a next step, not being involved.
After the talk your conscience seems to be cleared, you did well, kid. You were straight up. But this illusion fades quickly, since actions speak louder than words.
So whose responsibility is it then? Is it yours? Is it theirs?
My best male friend tends to be absolute in giving the responsibility to the girls who are „stupid“ enough to share the bed with him. He sees himself as acting in a proper, honorable way by being honest about his detachment from the beginning.
Based on the fact that everyone should be conscious of his or her actions and well-being, I support my friend’s point of view. But what if the other person is not capable of taking this kind of responsibility? Do we have to get rude? Just so the other will finally get it? Do we have to take their matters into our own hands? Isn’t this way too arrogant?
By Brunella Seidl
Header: Mareike Seifried